A Guest Post
Like the little dust bunnies under the decorative table in my dining room, the years have furtively darted past and hidden away. Can I really be over 40? Is there really a seriously large fuzzy nest under that table? I came face to face with this fabulous journey on the other side of the proverbial hill a few months ago when my husband decided he needed to spend September backpacking through the middle of nowhere. Mid. Life. Crisis?! I am thinking yes.
So with a strong desire for his personal happiness and fulfillment, I whole-heartedly agreed. (A little hasty perhaps, but that’s just how it goes when you know his heart.) And so it began. As the days have flown by, I have realized many things that I never previously considered in my marriage and role as a parent. Here are some of my tidbits.
1. A True Confession
I should have helped my husband prepare for his trip. He is the idea man, and I am the planner. It’s just how we work. However, this time I decided early in his trip planning extravaganza that he was a “big boy” and could do it himself. While probably healthy as an attitude, this decision has only backfired on me, creating some very real anxiety. At the last minute when we were at Costco buying food, I realized just how much I could have helped…for one thing I would have made sure we weren’t buying food at Costco at the last minute! Also, the night we got home from dropping him off, I pulled out the “itinerary” that he left me. It was one sheet of paper with a day and a number on it. No map. That was it for 486 miles of wilderness! Thank you very much!
The anxiety of not really knowing where he was for the first TWO weeks and only having Google maps to guess gave me MANY **pick or invent your favorite negative adjective: frustrated, angry, sad, tired** moments. (We did work this out the best we could when I met him for a resupply after those first few weeks.) Yet, this experience taught me a valuable lesson about what I contribute to his (and thus our) life. I am the follow through, the organizer, the voice of the long game, and the planner. I should be honored that I can do this for my family.
2. Life at home has not been as hard as I had expected.
My teenage son stepped up and took over lawn duty even mopped the kids’ bathroom and insisted I wash the rug?! (*insert small fainting spell*) AND he got out the WD-40 and fixed a squeak (and put it away!). This initiative could be the beginning of a beautiful new era in my life and greater expectations for my children who are more capable than I admit.
3. I work Way. Too. Much.
From birth I have been repeatedly told I like to be busy. (Thanks Mom!) It’s true. I do. My list of commitments some days seems endless, but I’m pretty good now at only making them ones I can actually do. I have exactly what I can handle. Wait…let me rephrase that…I have exactly what I can handle with my husband. (Not to discount God. He is the first and only way I do anything at all!) Without my husband, I can’t seem to stop working. I am unable to relax. He provides that rest and letting go for me every day, making me sit down with him, have a chat, sit outside, go on a walk, or watch TV. He is my relax. It’s been hard to figure out how to do that without him. How grateful I am to fully appreciate this cherished attribute in our marriage.
4. I have to find a way to be “the one” sometimes.
The one who is kinder to the kids more consistently because who else is going to be. The one who at 5:00 has the patience left because no one else is coming home to take over. The one who says let’s go do something fun because we all need a break from work. The one who eats leftovers because we don’t waste food if we can help it. The one who fixes something because some things can’t wait. The one who offers a feeling of safety and protection because kids need that stability. The one who enforces some rule because rules can’t wait. The one who puts on a Youtube video when we should be setting the table because we all miss dad. The one who does any duty I don’t want to do because he loves me and supports me as a mother.
5. Finally, I need time out.
I’ve been told this. I’ve been encouraged to do this. But do I do it well? Nope. However, this month, I sure haven’t wanted to melt down in front of the kids. I had to learn to go outside (and yes, sometimes cry to the dog—who is a terrible listener). To phone a friend. To take a drive and get a hamburger. To just take a nap right there on the couch with chaos around me. To say, you know what, that can wait. I have to have some time to relax.
So as I move forward into October, nightly debriefs and grown up conversation will not be taken for granted. Kind and supportive friends who call, check in, or invite me out will be cherished more fully. Dad dinners will never again be thought of as less-than-perfect. Quiet moments of scripture study in the morning will always be a go-to as will naps and spontaneous relaxation. And I will see my little dust bunnies as a reminder of how God gives us exactly what we need when we need it most.
Featured Photograph: Stock Photo
